Cultural intelligence for the modern world

How I Ended Up as the Emotional Support Animal in My Own Relationship

Wed, 03 Jun 2026 00:00:00 GMT

At some point in my past relationship, I realized I wasn’t a partner anymore.

I was more like a stability subscription service — available 24/7, no days off, no refunds.

Meanwhile, she was busy telling her friends (and for extra entertainment value, some of mine) that I was a terrible person because I… loved my dog and spent time with my parents.

Truly scandalous behavior.

That’s when it clicked:

if someone complains about the best parts of you, you’re not in a relationship — you’re in the wrong movie.

What I learned

If a person can’t talk to you directly, they’ll talk about you to everyone else.

Your values aren’t “quirks.” They’re non‑negotiable.

You can’t fix someone’s emotional avoidance by being extra patient.

If you’re doing all the heavy lifting, you’re not in a partnership — you’re carrying luggage.

A relationship is two people walking, not one person dragging a suitcase with a broken wheel.

How to avoid this mess next time

Watch how someone handles discomfort. If they evaporate, that’s your answer.

Pay attention to initiative. If you’re rowing alone, it’s not a boat — it’s denial.

Listen to how they talk about others. That’s your future PR campaign.

Don’t ignore early chaos. Chaos doesn’t age into wisdom.

Choose someone who meets you where you are, not someone who needs you to build a staircase.

The upside

Once you’ve lived through this kind of dynamic, you develop radar.

You can spot emotional fog from a distance.

You can smell drama before it even parks the car.

And you learn to appreciate the rare thing called mutual effort — the kind that feels natural, not like a job.

That’s the version worth keeping.

Passion Fruit Pruning Cheatsheet

Wed, 24 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Passion Fruit Pruning Cheatsheet

Healthy pruning keeps passion fruit vines productive, airy, and easy to harvest. Use this quick-reference to time your cuts, bring the right tools, and follow safe, plant-friendly steps.

Download the printable PDF cheatsheet.

Best time to prune

After harvest: Once all fruit is picked.
Late winter to early spring: Before vigorous new growth begins.

Tools you need

Clean, sharp secateurs or pruning shears
Gloves
Disinfectant (to wipe blades between cuts)

Step-by-step pruning

Inspect the vine: Remove dead, diseased, or damaged stems first.
Cut old wood: Take out stems older than two years and weak shoots to refresh growth.
Thin overcrowded growth: Open the canopy so air and light can reach interior leaves.
Shape the vine: Keep a few sturdy framework branches and shorten side shoots for manageable structure.
Make clean cuts: Cut at about a 43° angle just above a healthy node; remove at most one-third of the vine to reduce stress.
Clean up debris: Dispose of trimmings away from the plant to limit disease spread.
Aftercare: Mulch the base to retain moisture and protect roots.

Quick tips to avoid stress

Disinfect blades between cuts on suspect wood.
Skip pruning during extreme heat or drought; water well a day or two before if soil is dry.
Train new shoots along trellis wires soon after pruning to keep a balanced shape.

Happy pruning and sweeter harvests!

Simple investment strategies

Tue, 11 Sep 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Don’t compete with big guys. They are always faster.
It is not necessarily true that long-term broad investments will grow on average.
Missing the good days on the market will likely negate all the earnings.
News is not always new.
Calm days, just like the weather, tend to cluster together.
Outperforming investment funds are not a good investment.
Mutual funds with high fees rarely beat the market and mostly underperform.
Commissions add up. The more you trade the worse you do.
Sell losers for tax benefits. You can deduct up to $3k from regular income.
Diversify the portfolio with global market funds.
Consider tax-managed funds if you fall under a high-tax bracket.

A sample low-risk portfolio allocation:

Cash 5%
Bonds 27.5% VBIIX 7.5% VGOVX 7.5% VDIGX 12.5%
Real estate 12.5% VGSIX or FRESX
Stocks 55% VTSMX 27% VTIAX 14% VEMRX or FEMKX 14%

Fresh tomato soup

Sun, 02 Sep 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ingredients

1 teaspoon olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
3 large cloves of garlic, chopped very finely
7 cups / 1400 g of chopped fresh tomatoes (see recipe notes)
1 handful of basil leaves and stalks
2 teaspoons salt

Instructions

Heat a pan over medium heat and add the oil.
When hot, add the onions and garlic and cook for a couple of minutes until just starting to turn golden.
Add the chopped tomatoes.
Continue to cook over medium heat, stirring every few minutes, until the tomatoes have broken down and are soft.
Remove from the heat and add basil, salt, and pepper, then blitz in a blender or with an immersion blender until smooth.
Serve immediately.

link

Sourdough crepes

Sun, 02 Sep 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ingredients:

1 cup sourdough starter
3 eggs, beaten
2 tbsp. melted butter
1/4 to 1/2 cup milk (to thin batter)
1/4 tsp. salt

Instructions:

Heat a 10-inch skillet over medium heat.
In a medium bowl, combine all ingredients, slowly adding milk until the desired (thin) consistency is reached.
Add some butter to the skillet once it’s hot.
Pour 1/3 cup of the batter into the center of the pan.
Pick up the pan and turn and tilt it to allow batter to spread in a circular motion.
Cook for about one minute, or until edges come away from the pan.
Flip and cook an additional minute or two.
Remove crepe from pan and repeat with remaining batter, adding butter to pan as needed.
Serve with jam, berries, whipped cream, or syrup.

Beginner’s Sourdough Bread

Fri, 15 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Step 1 Levain

40g Mature liquid starter

40g Stoneground Whole Wheat

40g Artisan Bread Flour

80g H2O

Step 2 Autolysis

748g Artisan Bread Flour

159g Stoneground Whole Wheat

641g H2O

Step 3

Levain from Step 1

Autolysed dough from Step 2

50g H2O

18g Salt

source

Fleet Week 2015

Sun, 27 Mar 2016 00:00:00 GMT

As always, ship tours start at 10:00am.

9:45am, a perfect Thursday morning in San Francisco and still no line to visit USS Somerset.

San Antonio-class amphibious transport dock

The ship was named after UA Flight 93 that departed SF and crashed in Somerset County.

This year the tours were surprisingly well organized; no more free roaming around the ship.

On the good side, we were able to visit the bridge.

The bridge, of course, looked very modern and hi-tech.

“I do not want to sound crazy, but I flew one of these 40 years ago”

I guess the guy on the right was a pilot during the Vietnam War and I am sure helicopters do not change that much, at least on the outside.

And it is always good to be a captain.

LPD-25 is a fairly small ship but still 14 stories high, and capable of launching two MV-22s simultaneously.

It is good that streets have names here.

A very important room; I think they call it CIC or Combat Information Center.

Not sure where Marines sleep on the ship, but I spotted quite a few of them.

Great posture, officers.

And so that the ship does not get stolen, the entire motorized SF police department was waiting for us at the exit.

Minsk 2016

Sun, 27 Mar 2016 00:00:00 GMT

Our flight to Minsk had a connection in Moscow.

To our surprise we had to pick up our luggage and go through security at Domodedovo.

Minsk international airport is small so it took us only 15 minutes to collect our bags. We did not even have to pass passport control.

Although many Soviet era schools look exactly the same, it was fairly easy to find what used to be called English School No 64 because of the monument dedicated to the memory of pilots killed during the WWII.

While the classrooms are in the right wing, a dining room and a gym are on the left side.

The house where I have spent majority of my childhood has not changed at all. The only difference I spotted was a huge fence.

All the roads around are still in their original condition.

Some of the old houses were demolished and new expensive-looking houses were built.

In fact, the majority of houses on our street have not changed, at least from outside. Of course it is very unlikely that an old lady who used to give me painted Easter eggs (despite the fact that religion did not exist during the communist era and me being not exactly of Orthodox religion anyway) and crazy neighbors who poisoned our dog still occupied those houses.

The weather is definitely changing and it does not snow that much anymore. In March, it was still possible to go sledding in our neighborhood park where drunkards met in summer and teenagers sold forbidden adult pictures for a whopping sum of 10 kopeik.

The bus station was updated but the sidewalk was never paved.

Two street names on the house - Bagdanovicha and Halturina. A local hero, founder of the modern Belarusian literature and someone less known whose name ironically sounds like a botched job or a hackwork.

Panski Maentak Sula is an amazing place to visit. Located only 40 miles from the city, the place was rebuilt by a local businessman.

No estate is self sufficient without a distillery.

Locally produced hard spirits, samogon, along with some traditional Belarusian food can be tried at the estate restaurant.

While our draniki were fairly small, just a day before our visit to the biggest potato pancake in the world was baked here.

A truly Herculean horse. Too bad bogatyri exist no more.

Minsk is probably one of the cleanest cities I have been to. Not only are city crews hard at work cleaning the streets from dusk to dawn, but also residents don’t throw trash around because fines for littering are huge.

Like many European cities, the city was built on a river bank. Not sure why the architects decided to build this huge modern building next to the old city.

Unfortunately, not too many bicyclists this time of year. In fact, the streets were surprisingly empty.

A typical Soviet-era house that was built from pre-manufactured panels. My grandfather, who was an officer in the Soviet army, received a 4-bedroom apartment in Pinsk and later exchanged it for a small place in this building.

While everyone had a country-house, it was forbidden to build big dacha houses. Times have changed, of course.

Not far from the city center, but hidden between streets, is a Holocaust monument - The Pit. Almost 90% of the Belarusian Jewish population was killed during WWII.

“The View” has a great view of the old city. The restaurant is located on the 28th floor and does not have any national dishes.

Even though it was not raining, it was not sunny either.

Signs professing love to Belarus are all over the city and country. Unfortunately, it looks like Russian troubles affect Belarus too. Average salary here has decreased by half.

The entire institute where my mom worked was dedicated to copying the x86 computer.

City streets were surprisingly empty; even on the weekends.

One exception was Maslenica, the celebration of spring.

Despite a very strong wind and light rain, the streets were full of people who wanted to try fresh bliny, to listen to folk music, and to burn a beast.

We were extremely lucky to pay a whopping sum of 200,000 rubles or $10 to get the last pair of tickets to see the Swan Lake.

The performers were great and decorations were amazing.

If you're going to San Francisco Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair (Scott McKenzie)

Mon, 24 Aug 2015 00:00:00 GMT

San Francisco is truly a technological hub of the 21st century!

First, some important milestones.

1990 is the year the World Wide Web was introduced.
Estonia started switching to e-government almost 20 years ago.
2014 is the year when the city of San Francisco introduced an online system to protest and even pay citations online!

[http://www.sfmta.com/protest](http://www.sfmta.com/protest)

Protesting citations makes no sense, but I really wanted to try this amazing online system that everybody was talking about.

Dear SFMTA,

We arrived at Mission Street, San Francisco, late at night and, with a flashlight, checked a parking meter that just said “Free Parking.” Nothing about street cleaning.

The street was not well lit, but we checked all the signs nearby and all we found was a pile of human excrement and a homeless person sleeping next to it.

Judging by the findings, it definitely looks like the city of San Francisco is in a severe financial crisis and needs funds, but I do not believe that such pointless citations are a good way to refill public coffers.

Thank you for reading!

P.S. Thanks for not towing away my car.

Why sem·i·co·lon?

Tue, 28 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMT

Why ; out of the approximately 80 buttons on my keyboard?

I can easily survive without P or L or any other letter.

I can easily name something myCurrentKocation instead of myCurrentLocation.

Won’t make Apple happy, but will be hard to understand if code gets stolen.

But semicolon… I cannot survive without it. Almost all of the programming languages I use require it at the end of each line, and auto-complete does not help.

At least I know she was flying south.

How long does it take to hand out 80 flyers?

Sat, 25 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMT

It took me almost 3 hours to hand out eighty flyers. Granted, most of the time I write code. But three hours…

One thing I learned from being a full timer at a non-profitable (mind you, we don’t mind becoming a profitable startup) is that you just try, period. This week it was trying to increase the demand by giving away flyers with a 10% discount.

The majority of offices around our Charcot location are one-story commercial buildings. It is not clear to me what people do in these offices but they definitely do not sit in front of monitors and are generally very nice and friendly! But the best thing is that some have even heard about us and many promised to check our website.

Even CHP office workers looked happy behind bulletproof glass.

After many hours of hard work I came back to check on the truck and reimburse the owner for the discounted meals. $4 total - flyers do work (somewhat). Of course the main objective is to incentivize people to follow us online and to install our apps.

It was 1:30pm and the last customer arrived on a very small vehicle.

Finally, my hard-earned reward! Vegan tacos with fresh cilantro, avocados, onions, and of course tofu. Healthy and delicious!

Tacos Los Jarochos is a relatively new truck; two guys started it half a year ago. Their food is fresh, not too salty, and flavorful.

Always follow your intuition.

Sun, 19 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMT

It was a cold summer night… I guess 66F could be considered warm by many, but compared to 86F just a few hours earlier, it was cold. I was driving back home after my first thirties experience of Bikram Yoga. I was listening to symphony No 5 opus 67 and life was exactly as described there.

Then a friend of mine called to discuss some issues with our upcoming code release. My friend is a man of many virtues but, alas, patience is not one of them. He talked for approximately 15 minutes and I was very close to my home when I noticed a dog.

The dog was running towards Central Park. He looked lost and disoriented, so I tried to follow him. My friend immediately noticed that I stopped listening to his speech and asked what the F I was doing.

I told him about the dog but instead of following my intuition and getting out of the car and trying to engage the dog I kept on driving after him. My friend kept on being offended that I did not listen to his gibberish and at some point I lost track of the dog.

Big mistake. I could have saved a life. Not a human one, but still a life.

A few days later I noticed this post on Nextdoor Central Park West.

Yes, but it’s bad news. She was hit by a car and left to die. Some kind gentlemen helped her to the side of the road and stayed with her until she passed and continued to wait for animal control. Thank you so much for helping us look

Wild Fennel Pasta

Fri, 10 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMT

Wild fennel is an invasive plant. It is somewhat similar to the fennel we buy at the store but does not have an edible root and smells more like anise.

While the root is not edible, its branches are.

So next time you go hiking, take some juicy (the younger the better) wild fennel branches home.

Boil them!

Take them out and cook spaghetti or any other pasta in the water.

Put the cooked fennel in a blender together with some cream cheese, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Blend it for 3 minutes or until smooth.

Italian-style pasta and pesto are ready!

Farmer's Eggs, Russian (or Maybe Israeli) Style

Thu, 02 Jul 2015 00:00:00 GMT

A very simple recipe for tasty eggs.

Cut some tomatoes and fry them.

Cook until they become a little soft.

Remove the tomatoes.

In the tomato liquid, add some eggs.

Fry until the whites set.

Add back the fried tomatoes.

Garnish with greens (onions, parsley, sprouts, etc.).

Delicious!

Summerlin

Thu, 02 Apr 2015 00:00:00 GMT

5:36pm Getting some rest while they pack and rent a car. There will be no time for sleeping later because we plan to be in Las Vegas by sunrise.

8:36pm I am totally with you guys, a ten-hour drive justifies a quick load of carbohydrates.

5:36am Guess what, we are still in California but now 469 miles away from home at a fairly unique Shell gas station. 65845 Cima Rd Nipton, CA 92364

8:30am Finally in Summerlin! Just waiting to get to the Jacuzzi. After all, Summerlin is one of the wealthiest suburbs of Las Vegas. We are not exactly staying at this house, but I like it, and our house has a swimming pool and Jacuzzi too!

2:00pm After a short rest and a democratic vote, curiosity won over common sense and we decided to visit the local Sweet Tomatoes.

4:22pm Too bad they left me in the car. I love buffets and 90 degrees at the end of March is a little out of the ordinary, even for the locals.

5:14pm Time to visit the Red Rock Canyon. Luckily, Summerlin is only a 20-minute drive from the canyon.

I love Nevada because they allow us (dogs) on the majority of the trails. Red Rock Canyon is no exception. With some (read a lot of) help from the guys, I was able to climb to the top with them.

I guess some of them needed some help too.

10:54am Next day. On the way to the German bakery.

10:59am Except for us, only one guy is early. “So punctual,” my butler exclaims, and the guys nervously giggle.

11:00:00am The doors open and I realize the guy speaks German fluently.

Have British scientists helped them to decide that carbohydrates are not good for me?

12:30pm Looking for the lost horse at Mt. Charleston, the highest mountain in Clark County.

We did not make it to the top but still got to some nice views!

I really wanted to jump and fly a little, but no luck this time.

And a spring.

2:57pm They think they got the direction right.

2:57pm Tenaya Creek Brewery $3.5 for a pint is not bad at all.

6:38pm Back to the Red Rocks to see the sunset.

A pretty amazing hike to the First Creek next day. A really nice creek in the middle of the desert.

And I was finally able to swim a little.

3:28pm Our Tarzan refused an offer to get paid for a lap dance.

I would have gladly accepted it. 1,2,3 …

Caught in the process of staging a picture.

4:57pm Cannot say no to a half-priced Frappuccino.

6:18pm So happy I had the entire backseat for myself!

7:00pm Zarkana by Cirque du Soleil: the best seats ever.

Just kidding. I was not there; they left me in the parking lot again.

Tips on What to Expect When Visiting Texas for the First Time

Wed, 14 Jan 2015 00:00:00 GMT

A good meal at a 5-star hotel is even better with a nice view. The parking lot of the hotel where my lab was staying in the trunk of our rented car had an amazing view of the city. He just finished his lunch and was going to take me for a walk around the parking lot.

My lab put his leash on and was ready to depart but man proposes, God disposes. A black Golf blocked a red Nissan truck parked next to our car. The red truck already caught my attention earlier in the morning, when we arrived, because its trunk was full of garbage with new shiny black shoes on top of it.

I was never able to figure out why some girls put this super red lipstick just to get a cup of coffee at Starbucks. I guess there is a reason why its commercial name, lustrous, has lust in it. I have no idea how the girl, who just stepped out of the car, looked like without the lipstick but she was stunningly beautiful with it.

She was talking (mostly cursing) on the phone. Even though I normally understand US English fairly well, I could barely understand what was she saying on the phone. The only explanation I had to the sudden onset of aphasia was that her car’s license plates were from Texas.

“If you are not here in 5 minutes we are over,” the girl proclaimed and hung up. Nothing happened in the next five or ten minutes so she gave him another call that contained mostly the f-bombs.

“Cute,” she said talking to me but looking at my lab. “But stupid as it frequently happens” I replied. Unfortunately, she paid no attention to my remark and continued, now talking to my dog. “You see my 2-year-old doggie is in trouble and I need my asshole boyfriend to help me!”

Fifteen minutes later the asshole boyfriend was not still there but a parking spot opposite to my car has just opened. I have never been to Texas but if everybody there drives like her then I know why Texas is a lone star state. The black Golf first accelerated like it was planning to fly through the wall and then suddenly came to a halt. Nevertheless, she parked just perfectly.

“You f-ing asshole if you are not here in 2 minutes say goodbye to your f-ing tires because I am f-ing gonna puncture them all. I swear.”

A minute later a parking security car blocked her car and 5 guys in black that looked more like cops from a SWAT unit surrounded the woman. “Can I see your ID please,” one of the “SWAT” guys politely asked. “I don’t have a f-ing ID,” she promptly replied. “Then we will have to call police,” the guy replied. Not sure how she did it but two seconds later and despite being surrounded by five heavy guys she was sitting in her Golf trying to force her car through a small gap between the security car and a car parked next to her Golf, alas, without any luck.

At this point I really wanted to finally go for a walk with my dog but he got scared from all the loud voices and all the tense faces so he was cowardly sitting on my sneaker. I was not sure if he was going to bite someone or just pee on me, if I were to move my foot.

It took me some time to understand why the security suddenly arrived. An old and very upset couple was showing a badly scratched door of their car and pointing at the woman.

“Wait,” I said “She could not possibly have done that. I know because I was here all the time.” “Do you know her” a security guy asked me. “I don’t.” “Can you then testify that she did not do it.” “I can.”

The guy started his car and unblocked the Golf. Two seconds later the Golf was racing towards the exit. Then it suddenly halted again and backed up. “Thanks dude, and looking good too.”